I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i drank out of a bidet.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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