He had one of those small greek statue penises
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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