I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
