Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
People in love make me want to vomit
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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