like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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