He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
