i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
