Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
