Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
