Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
