So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
