I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
