pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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