So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
