why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize