so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
