Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
