did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
