watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
