Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
