If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
