Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
