Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize