Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
porn star boner night. come get it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize