She's JV to your varsity
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
