Your face is a jimmy john
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
