oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
