So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
