I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
