literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
