So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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