I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
