Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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