I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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