the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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