It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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