he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
