I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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