a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
