I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
