you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
