hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
