Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
