Can i not drive my cunt home
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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