Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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