Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
