My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The Olympian is in my bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The ass gains better be worth it
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