Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
