how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
