I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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