Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
