he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
