the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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