You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
