I want to make a zoo with you.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
