yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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