Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
