to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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