I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
