I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
