There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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