three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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