i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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