great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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