but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
