I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
