Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
