Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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