I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize