mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
smell my finger.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
