i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
