he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
