I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
